i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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