What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You need Xanax blowdarts
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
