it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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