A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
