...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How's work?
Spinning.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Even my vagina gasped.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
