He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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