Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
