I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
