strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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