Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
