I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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