To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
