Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
