omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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