true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
