If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
