What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Randomize
