If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
