i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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