Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
