New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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