There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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