I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's never too late to be topless.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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