I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
