i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
