My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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