i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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