alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's never too late to be topless.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I could fuck to npr.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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