guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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