First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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