so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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