im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
