No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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