I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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