I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
