I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
