I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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