if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
