Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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