I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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