okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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