ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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