So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
