i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
