you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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