And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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