the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
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Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
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Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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