Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
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I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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