just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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