before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
