forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
