Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
