some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
