omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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