My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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