if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have aggressive nipples.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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