I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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