Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
