My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
