why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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