I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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