Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
im on a boat
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