My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
