My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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