why didn't you poke me back
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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