OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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