in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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