Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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