do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
