Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
farters have to be the big spoon...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
