Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
