Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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