I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
