I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
