hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
